Literature Review: Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson (1982)

In the annals of Fantasy literature, successful comedic works written to be intentionally humorous are rare, although unintentionally comedic ones can certainly be tear jerkingly funny.  Of the former, one of the cleverest standouts in the field is Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson by George Alec Effinger:

Spoofing the Barsoom Series (a.k.a. The John Carter of Mars Series) by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson follows the adventures of the titular character, as chronicled by her best friend Bitsy Spiegelman. A la John Carter, in this short story, Maureen "Muffy" Birnbaum is mysteriously whisked away to Fantasy Mars, finds she has fantastic abilities due to being an Earthwoman and slays a giant monster with her sword (nicknamed 'Old Betsy').

One small issue, however, is that, while Muffy may have been transported to Mars, her clothes were not:

I was cold because-we're just going to have to live without ice, I think, Bitsy, because this hotel probably has a goddam policy against it or something, so just pour it in the glass-I was standing there in the proverbial buff!

Despite being au naturel, Mlle Birnbaum saves Prince Van and gets marginally more clothes.

Messr Effinger writes a lively yarn, filled with easy wit, that turns the Damsel in Distress trope on its head, by having the Martian prince be helpless.

Furthermore, much of the comedy derives from the fact that, flying in the face of the genre conventions, the protagonist is a beautiful, well-meaning and affluent young woman who's obsessed with fashion and the like, a la Cher from Clueless (1995):

For example, Mlle Birnbaum is shocked, I say, shocked, to find out that there no malls in Fantasy Mars!  Consequently, the reader gets a two-for-one deal on satire, as the author deftly skewers both Sword & Planet and privilege at the same time.

Unsurprisingly, the inspiration for the story came when Messr Effinger was enjoying a cheeseburger, fries and large coke at a college hangout and overheard the conversation of four Tulane co-eds:

The conversation ran the entire emotional gamut from sweaters to-God forbid-Peter Pan collars.  And they spoke in frequent italics.  You could just hear them chiming.

Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson is great fun, and, as you might expect, as Mlle Birnbaum continues her misadventures in later stories throughout other genres, including Isaac Asimov's Nightfall and Lovecraftian Horror!  A humorously original gender-swapping take on Planetary Romance, this short story is a modern classic and a well worth a read!

SC's Parting Shot: 9 of 10

Literature Review: Ozymandias (1818)

Just wanted to mention that this blog has reached the six month mark!  Woo hoo!

On the subject of time, in the annals of literature in the English language, few masterworks are as eloquent or as memorable as the sonnet Ozymandias by the great Romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Although perhaps overshadowed in the minds of modern audiences by his second wife Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein, Percy Bysshe Shelley is considered one of the greatest lyric poets of all time, despite his tragic death in a boating accident before his 30th birthday.  And he shows why in Ozymandias.

In a friendly competition with Horace Smith, a member of Shelley's literary circle, both men produced poems named Ozymandias about Ramesses II, widely regarded as the greatest and most celebrated of the pharaohs of ancient Egypt, (Ramesses II is called Ozymandias in the Hellenic sources, from a transliteration into Greek of a part of his throne name), with both works using the same theme and story.  However, the character in the all-time great graphic novel Watchmen is named in reference to only one of these.

Written in loose iambic pentameter, Ozymandias explores the theme of monumental ambition struggling with and ultimately laid low by the relentless ravages of time.  Full of wry and ironic humor yet still simultaneously poignant, Shelley also uses vivid imagery to capture the imagination:

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things

With such wonderfully evocative language, it is hardly surprising that Ozymandias, unlike the subject of the poem, has ironically become a timeless classic, inspiring and referenced in everything from music to video games.  Here is a wonderful reading of the poem by Bryan Cranston, in a trailer for "Ozymandias", the third to last episode of Breaking Bad:

In only 14 lines, Percy Bysshe Shelley creates a work for the ages.  If you've got a minute, take a look.  If you've got a few more, it's a fun and worthwhile exercise to think on its multiple meanings.

SC's Parting Shot: 10 of 10

Literature Review: The Eye of Argon (1970)

Happy New Year!

Let's ring in 2015 with a look back at one of the most well known and best loved Sword & Sorcery stories.  In the annals of S & S, there are masterworks, such as the Conan the Barbarian stories by R.E. Howard and the Kane the Mystic Swordsman stories by Karl Edward Wagner.  And then there is The Eye of Argon:

Although described as the "worst fantasy novel ever," The Eye of Argon is actually a quite serviceable, if derivative, heroic fantasy story.  This ripping yarn follows Gringr the Barbarian and his misadventures in the civilized lands and is, in fact, a reasonable pastiche of a Conan story.

However, what puts The Eye of Argon solidly in the "So Bad it's Good" category is Messr Theis' florid choice and misuse of language.  Combined with numerous typos and misspellings, the reader can't help but burst out laughing.  For example:

The enthused barbarian swilveled about, his shock of fiery red hair tossing robustly in the humid air currents as he faced the attack of the defeated soldier's fellow in arms. 

"Damn you, barbarian" Shrieked the soldier as he observed his comrade in death.

The reader can tell Messr Theis understands the basic tropes of S & S.  This combines with his misunderstanding of various other things (such as the definition of "slut"), his purple prose, and Theis' obvious enthusiasm and transforms into comedy gold.

Here is one of my favorite parts of the story:

The girl gasped a tortured groan from her clamped lungs, her sea blue eyes bulging forth from damp sockets. Cocking her right foot backwards, she leashed it desperately outwards with the strength of a demon possessed, lodging her sandled foot squarely between the shaman's testicles. 

The startled priest released his crushing grip, crimping his body over at the waist overlooking his recessed belly; wide open in a deep chasim. His face flushed to a rose red shade of crimson, eyelids fluttering wide with eyeballs protruding blindly outwards from their sockets to their outmost perimeters, while his lips quivered wildly about allowing an agonized wallow to gust forth as his breath billowed from burning lungs. His hands reached out clutching his urinary gland as his knees wobbled rapidly about for a few seconds then buckled, causing the ruptured shaman to collapse in an egg huddled mass to the granite pavement, rolling helplessly about in his agony.

Over the decades, criticism of this story has gone overboard.  Messr Theis was 16 years old when he wrote this story.  For a fanzine.

I can recall writing some pretty craptastic things at that age, too.  His story being continually mocked hurt Theis and he never wrote any more fiction.


As an example of this dogpiling, some people have poked fun at the drawings that were in the original fanzine (that were not even drawn by Theis).  However, these illustrations generally aren't that bad for a fanzine:

Especially considering what passed for professional art in Original Dungeons & Dragons:

Both beautifully terrible and terribly beautiful, The Eye of Argon is an inadvertent work of mad genius, a la Plan 9 from Outer Space.  Any Sword & Sorcery fan with a sense of humor would be well served to take a look.

新年快樂！

SC's Parting Shot: 9 of 10