Literature Review: Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson (1982)

In the annals of Fantasy literature, successful comedic works written to be intentionally humorous are rare, although unintentionally comedic ones can certainly be tear jerkingly funny.  Of the former, one of the cleverest standouts in the field is Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson by George Alec Effinger:

Spoofing the Barsoom Series (a.k.a. The John Carter of Mars Series) by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson follows the adventures of the titular character, as chronicled by her best friend Bitsy Spiegelman. A la John Carter, in this short story, Maureen "Muffy" Birnbaum is mysteriously whisked away to Fantasy Mars, finds she has fantastic abilities due to being an Earthwoman and slays a giant monster with her sword (nicknamed 'Old Betsy').

One small issue, however, is that, while Muffy may have been transported to Mars, her clothes were not:

I was cold because-we're just going to have to live without ice, I think, Bitsy, because this hotel probably has a goddam policy against it or something, so just pour it in the glass-I was standing there in the proverbial buff!

Despite being au naturel, Mlle Birnbaum saves Prince Van and gets marginally more clothes.

Messr Effinger writes a lively yarn, filled with easy wit, that turns the Damsel in Distress trope on its head, by having the Martian prince be helpless.

Furthermore, much of the comedy derives from the fact that, flying in the face of the genre conventions, the protagonist is a beautiful, well-meaning and affluent young woman who's obsessed with fashion and the like, a la Cher from Clueless (1995):

For example, Mlle Birnbaum is shocked, I say, shocked, to find out that there no malls in Fantasy Mars!  Consequently, the reader gets a two-for-one deal on satire, as the author deftly skewers both Sword & Planet and privilege at the same time.

Unsurprisingly, the inspiration for the story came when Messr Effinger was enjoying a cheeseburger, fries and large coke at a college hangout and overheard the conversation of four Tulane co-eds:

The conversation ran the entire emotional gamut from sweaters to-God forbid-Peter Pan collars.  And they spoke in frequent italics.  You could just hear them chiming.

Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson is great fun, and, as you might expect, as Mlle Birnbaum continues her misadventures in later stories throughout other genres, including Isaac Asimov's Nightfall and Lovecraftian Horror!  A humorously original gender-swapping take on Planetary Romance, this short story is a modern classic and a well worth a read!

SC's Parting Shot: 9 of 10

Movie Review: Legend of Lemnear (1987)

A somewhat forgotten gem, Legend of Lemnear is one of the earliest anime entries in the Sword & Sorcery genre and it holds up as breezy fun despite the decades.

Legend of Lemnear is a ripping Sword & Sorcery yarn wherein the titular protagonist seeks vengeance against the evil wizard who slaughtered her family and city.  There are strong parallels to Taarna the Taarakian warrior from the Heavy Metal film, except that Lemnear starts off as a stone cold badass and stays that way for the entire film.

As you might expect from an original animated video (OAV) with a runtime of only 45 minutes, the plot is thin and there are some noticeable holes.  However, this failing is not uncommon for anime from the 80s.  Much better are the animation and the character designs, which are also a product of the time (mullets ahoy!), but have aged reasonably well.  Most importantly, like any good S&S story, the pacing is quick, the action is fast and furious and there's noticeable appreciation of the female form.  

As a Hard "R", obviously Legend of Lemnear isn't for little kids or prudes.

However, as female protagonists go, Lemnear is pretty damn awesome: she doesn't take crap from anyone, she's the best fighter in the story and she saves the day.

That puts her in pretty rare company and she precedes Lina Inverse by two years.

This movie is also pure metal!  From the hard rock soundtrack to the copious amounts of violence to the big hair, Legend of Lemnear cranks the amps up to 11 and doesn't stop until the movie ends with a giant explosion.  The visuals are fantastic (pun intended) and, unsurprisingly, the villain has a giant floating castle shaped like a skull!  How cool is that?

If you're the sort of person who is offended by chainmail bikinis, this is not the movie for you.   If you're the sort of person who can't tell the difference between High Fantasy and Sword & Sorcery, this movie may not be for you.   However, if you're the sort of person who wants to see what a Frank Frazetta painting would look like as a fun, roaring anime adventure, Legend of Lemnear is well worth your time!

SC's Parting Shot: 7 of 10

Video Game Review: The Return of Heracles (1983)

In the halcyon days of the 1980s, there were few computer roleplaying games (CRPGs) that weren't derivative of Tolkien and/or Dungeons & Dragons.  Fewer still sought to provide any kind of educational value for their players.  One of few CRPGs that excelled in both areas was The Return of Heracles by Stuart Smith.

Set in Bronze Age Greece and based on some the most famous tales from Greek mythology, in The Return of Heracles the player(s) assume control of one or more legendary or historical heroes, including Achilles, Jason, and mighty Heracles! Tales of these mighty men and women (and animals) have thrilled audiences for millennia, including myself.  In grade school, I read the fantastic D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths many, many, many times at the local library.

In order to win the game, the player(s) must complete a dozen tasks which, as one might expect from the title, are drawn mostly from the Labors of Heracles, but also include other classics from Greek mythology, such as solving the Riddle of the Sphinx and retrieving the Golden Fleece.  Upon completion, the player receives points (with bonus for speed) and usually gets an in-game treasure, buff or other reward as well.

The game mechanic is simple but straightforward and adds to the breezy fun.  The soundtrack, though technologically an artifact of its day, is apt and evocative.  And, the open sandbox design of the game world avoids railroading, a common problem for many CRPGs even to the present day.

Messr Smith's humor and cleverness are evident throughout The Return of Heracles.  There are 250 NPCs with individual stats, factions and motivations, such as Inebriated Thief and Not-very-smart Thief.   And just walking through a door can be hazardous!

Original, colorful and full of obvious admiration of the source material, this game is a masterwork.  If you're a lover of Sword & Sandal or Greek mythology, The Return of Heracles is perhaps the best CRPG of the era and even if you only have a passing interest, it's worth a look.  So strap on your greaves and hark back to a time when gods and monsters roamed the land.

But do avoid giving an obolus to Charon.

SC's Parting Shot: 10 of 10

Movie Review: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Sometimes, when I revisit a fondly remembered film from my youth, said film holds up despite the passage of time.  Sometimes, it doesn't.  The Sword and the Sorcerer falls into the latter category.

Not having seen The Sword and the Sorcerer in decades, I was hoping that this would be a masterwork, ala Conan the Barbarian (1982), even thought all I really remembered was Talon's *THREE* bladed sword, whose parallel blades shoot off!  Woo-hoo!  Seriously, at the time, I thought this sword was one of the coolest things ever.

However, on the re-watch, I found that the poor fight choreography, the preponderance of clichés, the special effects that haven't aged well and the easily correctable script problems were off-putting: For example, it's not spelled out, but Talon banging Princess Alana was probably incest.

Still, to be fair, The Sword and the Sorcerer is certainly not a poor Sword & Sorcery yarn.  I mean, there's a sword (with *THREE* blades!?!) and a sorcerer, can't be much more Sword & Sorcery than that, right?  Plus, it's got a hot princess (the super lovely Kathleen Beller), the requisite gore, violence and nudity for a Hard "R" and a story that zips along and that remains interesting, if sometimes goofy, throughout.

In The Sword and the Sorcerer, evil King Cromwell seeks to conquer the known world by resurrecting Xusia of Delos, an evil archmagus.  Team Evil's path to global domination begins by knocking over the peaceful Kingdom of Ehdan and murdering all of the Ehdanian royal family except for the youngest son, Talon, who gets away with the *THREE* bladed sword.  Then, Cromwell makes the smart play of trying to assassinate Xusia before the sorcerer inevitably turns on him.

Unfortunately, Cromwell mucks up the assassination and Xusia escapes.  Years later, both the surviving wizard and the surviving prince, now a famous mercenary leader, return to Ehdan to seek their vengeance.  The movie ends pretty much as you would expect.

Where The Sword and the Sorcerer is more impressive is how it differs from the host of other post-Conan fantasy action films: drawing much from Errol Flynn swashbucklers, the film laced with humor and Talon is as likely to fire off a quip as swing his sword.  Also, the double villain structure allows for some clever treachery and backstabbing.  And, the princess shows more spunk than the typical helpless damsel, using the patented knee to the balls technique.

Plus, Lee Horsely is a much, much, much better actor than Arnold Schwarzenegger.  For example, Messr Horsely plays Talon with easy wit and good comedic timing.  And director Albert Pyun isn't afraid to go after the laughs either: after the rousing "let's go save our leader" speech in the brothel, the movie immediately jump cuts to the would-be rescuers in the dungeon.  Hi*LAR*ious!

If you're looking for a fun, campy pulp action film and are willing to relax your brain, The Sword and the Sorcerer isn't a bad choice.  Alternately, if you want to see a sword with *THREE* blades, this is the movie for you!

SC's Parting Shot: 6 of 10

Movie Review: The Last Unicorn (1982)

I wanted to give some love to a wonderful but somewhat forgotten classic animated film, The Last Unicorn:

Adapted from the novel with a screenplay by the original author, The Last Unicorn follows the title character as she leaves the safety of her forest to discover what happened to her people.  Through various twists and turns, the Unicorn learns more about herself and the wider world than she thought possible or that she bargained for, and the ending is both bittersweet and something of a surprise.

Although ostensibly a children's film, The Last Unicorn is, in fact, a far more mature and richly layered narrative that is, by turns, a coming of age story, a mystery, a romance and a stirring tale of heroism.  This movie is a fairy tale, but it's more in the mold of the Brothers Grimm.  For example, there are moments filled with sorrow and bitterness that you'll never see in a Disney film, such as Molly Grue's lament upon meeting the Unicorn:

Molly: No, it can't be! Can it be? Where have you been? Where have you been? Damn you! Where have you been? 

Schmendrick: Don't you talk to her that way! 

Unicorn: I'm here now. 

Molly: And where were you twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Where were you when I was new? When I was one of those innocent young maidens you always come to? How dare you! How dare you come to me now, when I am THIS?! [Weeps]

Moving stuff.

The film also isn't afraid to bring the dark, such as when the Harpy kills Mommy Fortuna by ripping off the latter's face:

You'll never see THAT in a Disney film, either.

From top to bottom, this is a fantastic film.  Produced by Rankin/Bass, the guys that made the iconic animated versions of J. R. R. Tolkien's The Hobbit and The Return of the King, the animation in The Last Unicorn is stylistically similar but qualitatively superior to those other films, which is unsurprising since it was done by Topcraft, a company that was bought out of bankruptcy by its top flight talent and turned into Studio Ghibli.

The movie also boasts an all-star vocal cast, including Mia Farrow, Jeff Bridges, Alan Arkin and, Saruman himself, Christopher Lee, who are all excellent, bringing depth and distinct personalities to their roles.  Furthermore, the mellow but melancholy soundtrack, performed by America, fits perfectly.

Like all the best "Young Adult" fiction, The Last Unicorn always treats its audience with intelligence and respect.  It is unafraid to ask tough questions and demand tough answers.  For example, the Unicorn learns that the world can be hard and unfair, even if or, indeed, because you've done the right thing.

I recommend this movie not only to speculative fiction fans but anyone who likes challenging, engaging and though provoking media.

SC's Parting Shot: 10 of 10