Session VI, Part II

In Medical (Room 6a), the PCs see a strange figure, who's apparently the médecin of the gold mine:

In addition to the scary médecin, inside Medical are also two Hell Goats in mine carts (giving 90% cover) in optimal firing positions, eight zombies performing live vivisections at the direction of the médecin, and eight test subjects.

The médecin looks at the party, who are aghast, and says "You don't understand... We mean you no harm.  We seek peaceful coexistence!"

[As DM] I say, "You suspect the médecin is impregnated by a Chryssalid embryo."

[OOC] K says, "Wait, so a Chryssalid embryo can access the memories of the host?"

[As DM] I say, "Yup."

[OOC] K says, "That's…not good."

The PCs are at a loss, so I remind them how to get rid of Chryssalid embryos, which they decide is a good plan.


Zakalwe rolls a crit success on his Charisma check!  Thus, Zakalwe regales the Chryssalid embryo and the Hell Goats with the tale of a mighty artifact: the Head of Vecna!

Meanwhile, the Nameless Magic-User and Aleena hide behind the wall next to Zakalwe, the former pulling out a Holy Hand Grenade and the latter preparing to cast Bless on the humans in Medical (to negate the effect of the Holy Hand Grenade).


[As DM] I say, "Remember, you have to get the timing right.  Bless takes 1 round to cast, whereas a Holy Hand Grenade goes off in 3 segments.  Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three."

[OOC] S says, "Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three."

[OOC] K says, "Five is right out."

In my game, a Holy Hand Grenade creates a sphere of divine energy, which is a magical effect akin to Silence, 15' Radius, rather than like a Fireball (a physical effect).  Thus, the energy passes through the wall into Medical.

The Chryssalid embryo is slain!

Hell goats #4 & 5 are slain!

Zombies #13-20 are slain!

The 30' radius also extends along the z-axis, into the shaft that Legionnaire #4 fell down, where the grey ooze that killed Legionnaire #3 is hiding, waiting for another chance to ambush the party.

The grey ooze is slain!

The party shoves the Chief Engineer's desk into the mouth of the shaft down to Level 3 and clamber over into Medical.

Médecin Remmick is tending to the test subjects and asks for his healing potions.

[As Zakalwe] K says, "Sorry, those are all gone."

[As Médecin Remmick, confused] I say, "But what about the healing potions in my office?"

[As Zakalwe] K says, "Nope, all gone.  They, uh, must have been stolen by the Chryssalids."

Meanwhile, the Nameless Magic-User sneaks into the médecin's office and steals the healing potions.  Sister Aleena folds her arms and looks crossly at the PCs, but says nothing.

Meta Review: Heir's Battle Basics

Merry Christmas!

Let's celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace with another helping of Total War: Rome II goodness:

In terms of beginnings, Heir of Carthage has a couple of good videos specifically aimed toward newcomers to Total War: Rome II that I wanted to discuss. Of course, you can pick up a significant amount of knowledge en passant by simply watching his online battles and such, but these videos approach the subject in a more systematic manner.  The first covers Army Selection Tips:

This video is designed for people who are beginners in the truest sense of the word, but Messr Heir does his typical excellent job of clearly and comprehensively explaining how to put together an army in Total War: Rome II.  He also prefaces the video by stating, "There is no one good army and there is no one good faction."  Messr Heir breaks down the various unit types, their different statistics, and comparative strengths.  He also briefly discusses how you might use certain units to your advantage in different situations.  Included is a quick battle where he attempts to illustrate these points.


As a companion to the first video, Heir of Carthage also put out another video covering Battle Basics, the basic mechanical issues for running a battle in Total War: Rome II:

In addition to expounding on some details from the first video (such as explaining various unit special abilities), here Messr Heir clearly explains the various screens, panels and buttons in the game interface, and also discusses information that might come up, and how to group, manage and maneuver your army in during battles.  Included once more is a quick battle where he illustrates these points.

So, for investing less than an hour, someone can watch these videos to pick up a basic overview of the mechanics Total War: Rome II.  These tutorials are an excellent springboard to better understanding how the game works and what you're actually seeing on screen.

Joyeux Noël!

SC's Parting Shot: 9 of 10

Session VI, Part I

For convenience, here is the map of the second level of the gold mine again:

Before the session starts, I do some calculation and decide the PCs need some more help to succeed in their mission, so I tell the PCs that they retroactively also found a Scroll of Earth Elemental Summoning in the General Manager's office.

[OOC] K says to S, "It's never a good sign when the DM suddenly gives out extra magic items."


The PCs raise a simple cairn of stones for Vasquez and observe a moment of silence.  Afterwards, two legionnaires take point, with Zakalwe close behind to support, as the party continues north and then heads west to Room 3 (Office Supplies).

In Room 3, the PCs find dozens more empty Chryssalid eggs and dead webbed up miners but still no survivors.  After they burn out the room, the party heads to Room 4 (the Panic Room):

The place is now empty but it shows signs of previous occupation.  The blood smears and signs of struggle outside the entrance suggest that the occupants probably waited until they thought the coast was clear and then tried a dash for safety.

[OOC] K says, "Who would be dumb enough to do that?"

[As DM] I say, "There's a sign that says 'EXECUTIVE USE ONLY'."

The party turns south and moves toward Room 5a (Engineering).  Forgetting to search for traps, the two lead legionnaires and Zakalwe all fail their Spot Checks and are drenched by the big bucket of industrial acid propped above the door to Engineering when it falls on them!  Shrieking in agony, the trio writhe on the floor, as the rest of the party stares helplessly.

Legionnaires #1 & 2 are slain!


Zakalwe is reduced to 1 hit point, just hanging on to life by his fingernails (my campaigns use the Death at zero hit points rule (i.e., there's no safety blanket bleed out rule)).  After drinking a healing potion, Zakalwe sits down to rest, while the Nameless Magic-User finds two more legionnaires to take point and leads the party into Engineering.

The room is ransacked but quiet.  As the new lead legionnaire approaches Room 5b (Chief Engineer's Office), he fails to notice that the door is really shiny and a giant grey ooze leaps onto him!  The legionnaire screams as the ooze burns through his skin and armor.  Again, the rest of the party stares helplessly.

Legionnaire #3 is slain!

[OOC] S asks, "Are these guys dressed in redshirts?"

[As DM] I say, "Well, they're equipped like Roman legionnaires."

[OOC] S says, "You know what color those guys wore a lot of?  Red!"

As the party rushes forward with torches, the ooze slithers south under the door to Room 6a (Medical).  The PCs halt pursuit and decide to clear Engineering first.


In Room 5c (Engineering Records), the PCs find their first survivors.  There are cheers, as Sister Aleena tends to their wounds and the Nameless Magic-User makes sure they are not impregnated by Chryssalids.  Spirits buoyed, the party decides to move south.  


The new lead legionnaire steps through the door into Medical…and plunges into the shaft that the Chryssalids have dug down to the third level of the gold mine, falling 70 feet into the ore processing facility and splashing down in the prepositioned vat of industrial acid underneath the pit.

Legionnaire #4 is slain!

Movie Review: The Eagle (2011)

Another excellent but underrated Sword & Sandal film is director Kevin Macdonald's The Eagle:

Based on Rosemary Sutcliff's beloved historical adventure novel The Eagle of the Ninth (1954), which in turn is loosely based on the disappearance of the Legio IX Hispana (purportedly during a punitive expedition to Caledonia (modern day Scotland)), The Eagle takes place in 2nd century AD and follows Marcus Flavius Aquila, a young Roman officer who has come to Roman Britain to discover his father's fate (a senior officer with the Ninth Legion) and to restore his family's honor. Receiving an honorable discharge after successfully defending his fort, the appropriately named Aquila heads north with his slave Esca, son of the slain chief of the Brigantes, past Hadrian's Wall to search for the Aquila (the eagle-shaped military standard) of the Ninth Legion.

The story is part Heart of Darkness, journeying into the unknown to the edge of the Roman world, and part Mismatched Partners, with two very different people having to work together.  It works for the most part- I felt the ending was a bit contrived.  The film looks great, with beautiful shots of mountains, rivers, and the grime and grit of Iron Age living.  Also, combat is appropriately desperate and deadly:

Director MacDonald's commitment to realism pays off in ways that working with green screen and computer graphics never could, painting a reasonably authentic picture of 140 AD Roman Britain: Roman values are different from modern values and The Eagle doesn't shy away from the uglier side of the empire.  The film commitment to details also shines when it uses real Roman lingo and tactics like Testudo formation:

By comparison, the contemporary Centurion (2010) is very much a Hollywood action blockbuster.

A few things are still a bit off, though.  For example, Marcus Aquila's father was Primus Pilus Centurion, so it's odd that he'd shoulder the blame for the loss of the Ninth Legion, as opposed to, say, the Legate.

Still, I quite enjoyed this under appreciated gem.  If you like historical, thoughtful tales of honor and adventure into the unknown set in the Iron Age, The Eagle is well worth your time.

SC's Parting Shot: 8 of 10

Session V, Part IV

For convenience, here is the map of the second level of the gold mine again:

The party heads back south to Room 1b (the ledge to the east and 20 feet higher than Room 1a), and Zakalwe  slowly peers around the corner again but the Operations Center of the mine is still dark, empty and eerily quiet.  Using rope, he rappels down to Room 1a to scout further.  The coast is clear and the rest of the party joins him.


The Nameless Magic-User surreptitiously looks through the records and makes sure that Vasquez's story checks out.  This adventure basically being an "Aliens" movie, while they search Operations, the party finds signs of a big "last stand" type struggle here.  They also find lots of evidence of corporate malfeasance:

After loading up with more oil, the party decides to leave Operations by the north corridor toward Room 3.  Vasquez and Zakalwe take point again, moving forward cautiously into the darkness.

Suddenly, zombies burst forth from the loosely packed wall to the fighters' right!  As debris fills up the tunnel behind them, Vasquez and Zakalwe are cut off from the rest of the party and surrounded.

The zombies start scoring hits on the fighters, who steadily put down undead in return.  Although they only do 1d4 damage per attack, the swarming walkers whittle away hit points from Vasquez and Zakalwe through several rounds.  Meanwhile, while the rest of the party frantically clears the rumble to reach the fighters.

Zombies #1-5 are slain!


As the rest of the party clears the debris and moves toward, the zombies turn towards them.  Meanwhile, three Hell Goats gallop toward Vasquez and Zakalwe.

Zakalwe throws a dagger and misses.

The Hell Goats concentrate their eye beams on Vasquez, who seems like the bigger threat.  Weakened by the earlier melee with the zombies, the elite mercenary crumples to the ground.

Vasquez is slain!

As the Iberian warrior goes down, S says, "NOOOOOO!!!!!"

As Zakalwe prepares another throwing dagger, I remind K about his PC's Wand of Lightning Bolts.

[OOC] K says, "Oh yeah."

Hell Goats #1 & 2 are slain!

Then I remember that, depending on the angle, when lightning bolts hit a wall, they can bounce back toward the source.  

Hell Goat #3 is slain!

[OOC] S says, "Vasquez is dead!   Why didn't you use your wand a round earlier?"

[OOC] K says, "Um, sorry.  I forgot I was carrying it again."

The party finishes off the rest of the zombies.

Zombies #6-12 are slain!


After Vasquez's death, Zakalwe loses his bravado.

[As Zakalwe] K says to the veteran legionnaires, "I need some volunteers to take point."

Session V, Part III

As the party packs their new shinies from Reverend Mother Guinan:

[OOC] K says to S, "Regardless of how this mission turns out, we're keeping whatever we don't use, right?"

[OOC] S says, "Of course!"

[As DM] I ask, "Is there any other gear that you want to take?"

[OOC] K says, "Fire has been our usual backup plan."

[OOC] S says, "Yeah, everyone's carrying lots of oil!"

The party also raids the infirmary for healing potions, grabbing two each.  With weather starting to look decidedly preternatural, the PCs ride out from the Keep:

The Colonel leaves a token force to monitor the Việt-Khmer border and a small strategic reserve at Fort Champa and then deploys the rest of the garrison around the gold mine, securing the entrance and first level of the mine:

Silently, the party tries to mentally work out the horrors awaiting in the depths as they enter the mine.  Heading toward the elevator, the winch creaks distressingly as the PCs meet the returning platoon of legionnaires who initially secured Level 1.  As the soldiers pass by the party, the Nameless Magic-User makes a Spot Check, noticing one of the legionnaires is acting a bit strange and surreptitiously trying to get close to Aleena.

Quickly, Vasquez and Zakalwe move to intercept, when they are showered with blood and viscera as a new Chryssalid bursts out of the legionnaire!

Suddenly, magic smoke fills the room and the PCs make out an insectiod figure fleeing for the elevator!  The party beats the Chryssalid baby on Initiative and Lieutenant Phùng zaps it with Magic Missile.

The Chryssalid baby is slain!

Following a rickety ride down the swaying elevator, the PCs meet Captain Đào on the first level of the mine, who tells them that it's all clear here and leads them to the entrance down to the second level:

Without further ado, the party heads down the steps to Level 2 after grabbing some miner helmets and canaries.  Vasquez and Zakalwe take point, and the veteran legionnaires surround the spell casters.  At the first fork, the party listens and hears something trying to get through the barricaded door on the left.  They decide to leave well enough alone and proceed down the slightly downward sloping right corridor.

Slowing down to search for traps, the PCs find a covered pit with scarab beetles scuttling around at the bottom.  Marking it off, they move around the trap and continue cautiously north, stopping before  they reach Room 1b (the ledge to the east and 20 feet higher than Room 1a).  Since there's no thief and Zakalwe has 18 DEX and Stealth, he shuts off the light on his helmet and crawls forward, slowly peering around the corner but seeing nothing.

Ready for action, Zakalwe crawls forward onto the ledge and turns on his light...but Room 1a, the cavernous Operations Center of the mine, is dark, empty and eerily quiet.  Offices are racksacked and equipment is smashed, but the party is alone, as far as they can tell.

After conferring for several minutes, the PCs decide to continue north to Room 2.  As the party passes  the north end of the ledge, an increasingly noxious stench of death and decay assails them.

Zakalwe crit fails his Save versus Fear!  He curls up into the fetal position and the Nameless Magic-User takes over, leading the party forward.  Rounding the corner, the party finds dozens of empty  Chryssalid eggs and dead webbed up miners:

There are no survivors.

[As the Nameless Magic-User] S says, "We burn it.  All of it."

Session V, Part II

The party hurries down from the arrow tower to meet the Reverend Mother Guinan's group, who are talking with the Keep's command staff.  The atmosphere is deadly serious, and any disputes are shelved for the duration.

Miners at Messr Dimon’s gold mine recently unearthed a nest of Chryssalids, intelligent insects who made a deal with demons for additional magical powers:

In terms of B2, the gold mine is the reskinned version of the Caves of Chaos.  In the original, PCs are murderhobos who break into the homes of the natives, kill the poor buggers and take their stuff.  In this version, I instead wanted to give the PCs a chance to be Big Damn Heroes.

Inspired by Necroscope's excellent Let's Play of "X-Com: UFO Defense" and by theRadBrad's excellent Let's Play of "Alien: Isolation", I decided to do a mash up horror dungeon crawl.

Here, the Chryssalids are a cross between Chryssalids from “X-Com” and Xenomorphs from “Aliens”.  In addition to being lethal silent predators, these insects have human-level intelligence, demon-gifted arcane powers and their leaders are magic-users.  Also, after embryo implantation, the embryo will mind control the host until birth of the new Chryssalid, which kills the host.  The corpse is then typically raised as a zombie to serve their new insect overlords.

"Sweet buttery Jesus!"


Additionally, Chryssalids are usually found with their allies: scarab beetles,

gray oozes, and Hell Goats:

[OOC] K says, "Hey, I remember these guys from our last campaign!  They were the worst!"

[As DM] I say, "In addition to their ferocious head butt attacks, Hell Goats now can shoot laser beams from their eyes."

The grim warrior introduces herself as Vasquez, an Iberian Roman mercenary working for L’eau Noire.

After the Chryssalid outbreak, mine security was unable to contain the problem and Messr Dimon’s company soon lost control of the mine.  An elite L’eau Noire team led Vasquez went in for a bug hunt but failed, too.  She was the only one to escape.  Now, with hundreds of hostages for hosts, zombie army fodder and human sacrifices, the Chryssalids are trying to open a magic portal for their demon allies with ritual magic.

The Reverend Mother Guinan says this is a potential End of Days-type situation.


To prevent the Chryssalids from creating the portal, Reverend Mother Guinan and Reverend Mother Nina will work together to cast a ritual counterspell, but this will take hours, and their counterspell may not go off before the Chryssalids' portal opener, so a team needs to go into the mines to try to stop the Chryssalids directly and save the remaining miners, if possible.

[OOC] K asks, "So, if we run away and become pirates, how long until the Apocalypse catches up with us?"

[As DM] I say, "Maybe a couple years?"

Reluctantly, the PCs decide to be Big Damn Heroes.  In addition to the party, Vasquez, Lieutenant Phùng (a mage), and some veteran legionnaires from the Keep are going.

[As DM] I ask, "So how many legionnaires do you want to bring?"

[OOC] S asks, "Um, how about all of them?"

A dozen veteran legionnaires end up going on the mission.  

[OOC] S asks, "Wait a minute, can we bring Colonel Thứ năm too?"

[As DM] I say, "As garrison commander, the Colonel's job is to oversee the entire operation, not lead this particular mission."

[OOC] S says, "Come on!  I've got all these skills I can use to convince him, right?"

[As DM] I say, "…No, sorry."


Reverend Mother Guinan is also able to offer more assistance: she casts Greater Sacrament (this is a home brewed spell) on the party and, for the duration of the mission, each target’s level increases by 2 (e.g., Zakalwe is temporarily 4th level), all actions involving self-sacrifice get a +2 bonus, and each target regenerates 1 hp per turn.

Reverend Mother Guinan also gives the party a Wand of Passwall (3 charges), 6 Holy Hand Grenades (which do 1d6 damage within a 30' radius normally, 5d6 to abominations, no damage if the target is Blessed and heal 1d6 hp to recipients of Greater Sacrament),

and 3 jars of Greek fire.

[OOC] K says, "Zakalwe will carry all the jars of Greek fire."

[As DM] I say, "You do realize that Greek fire is an open battlefield weapon meant to be used against massed troops, ships and the like?  Here, one jar does 5d6 damage for 1d6 rounds.  What if all three jars break open?"

[OOC] K says, "I'll be really careful."

History: Battle of Cannae (216 BC)

"Nos morituri te salutamus"

A Happy Thanksgiving to all, and I think we should all be giving thanks that we weren't the Roman Army outside of the village of Cannae two millennium ago, when they suffered arguably the most epic defeat of all time.  Though, in terms of humiliation, the Seahawks' beatdown of the Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII might come close:

A major battle in the Second Punic War (218–201 BC), the Battle of Cannae came on the heels of Hannibal Barca's amazing crossing of the Alps with his army (which no one thought possible) and Hannibal inflicting punishing defeats on the Romans at Trebia and Lake Trasimene.

Consequently, after Dictator Fabius Maximus' strategy of attrition and avoiding pitched battles (which has been named after him) proved unpopular, the Senate raised the largest Roman army up to that time, eight legions plus auxilia, led by Consuls Gaius Terentius Varro and Lucius Aemilius Paullus to stop the Carthaginian once and for all.

What followed was a victory for Hannibal so stunning and audacious that it has been studied ever since.  As you might expect, there's been plenty of ink spilled (most notably about how he pulled off what's become the text book example of a Double Envelopment), so I'd like to focus on a couple points: First, Hannibal's analysis of the enemy commanders, and second, his ability to turn the Roman army's strengths into weaknesses.

Although the Roman army may have been of unprecedented size (greatly outnumbering the Carthaginian force), Varro and Paullus disagreed on battle strategy.  As a consequence, the Romans had a strange joint command arrangement, where leadership shifted between the two Consuls on a daily basis!

Thanks to the superb Carthaginian spy network, Hannibal had detailed information on both men, and he was able to use Varro's hotheadedness to trick the Romans into fighting the battle at a time and place of the Carthaginians' choice.  Genius!


Next, Hannibal did an amazing job of turning the Roman army's strengths against them.  Tough, disciplined, well-equipped and built around heavy infantry, the Roman army was designed to go right at their opponents like a giant armored fist.

Knowing this, Hannibal came up with an ingenious battle plan.  Putting his most experienced and reliable troops, the Africans, on his flanks, the general placed himself in the middle of his front line with his Iberians and Gauls, and personally led his center into a controlled retreat.

The Romans bit on the trap, pushing forward, and Hannibal's multiethnic force gave ground, luring in their enemies.  Meanwhile, the superior Carthaginian cavalry routed their opposite Latin counterparts, leaving both Roman flanks dangerously exposed.

The heavily massed Roman formation became increasingly crowded and the legionnaires lost cohesion.  Hannibal's African infantry turned inward, shattering both Roman flanks as the Carthaginian cavalry returned and struck the Roman center from behind.  The Roman historian Polybius wrote, "as their outer ranks were continually cut down, and the survivors forced to pull back and huddle together, they were finally all killed where they stood."

Of course, Carthage did end up losing the Second Punic War, but I think that had to do with political bickering and infighting and the Carthaginian leadership failed to give Hannibal the support needed to close out the conflict.

The Carthaginians should have kept in mind the words of Abraham Lincoln:

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."

Food for thought, whereas turkey is food for the day.

Session V, Part I

For a job well done, I credit the PCs with experience for overcoming two major challenges:

• getting Mlle Nguyễn (阮) out of jail, and

• resolving the conflict between the Cham and the Lizardfolk.

This brings Sister Aleena, the party's NPC cleric, up to 2nd level.


[As DM] I ask S, "How was your first Olde School D&D session?  I usually don't really do much hack-and-slash."

[OOC] S says, "That was great!  All you need to do is lie your ass off!"


The PCs decide that, to bring peace to the Borderlands, either Gouverneur Trần or Colonel Thứ năm has to go.  Since displacing a Gouverneur will be far more difficult (they'll have to travel to the provincial capital and execute a complex plan), they focus instead on figuring out a way to get rid of the Colonel.

Heading back to the Keep, the party spends some time meeting the garrison and making friends.  Captain Đào says he placed a spy to find out what the Cham and the Lizardfolk are planning but that his spy was killed during the mission.

[As Captain Đào] I ask, "Do you guys know what happened?"

[As Zakalwe] K says, "Uhh... no."

[As Captain Đào] I say, "It's interesting how my spy was blasted by lightning. I didn't realize that the Lizardfolk had magic-users."

[As Zakalwe] K says, "Me too."

The PCs find that many of the soldiers, including Captain Đào, the Birdkeeper and Colonel Thứ năm's adjutant are leery of the Colonel's plan to have the garrison violently put down a Cham rebellion, since that would leave the garrison open to a sneak attack from the Khmer Empire or an aggressive hill tribe.

However, despite their misgivings, the garrison's sense of duty prevails and they aren't ready to frag Colonel Thứ năm.

Early the next morning, the party wakes up as alarms sound throughout the keep:

[OOC] K says, "That's a pretty sophisticated alarm for the Iron Age."

[As DM] I say, "Well, it's magic.  And stuff."

Heading up to an arrow tower, the PCs see a party riding furiously up to the Keep, including the Reverend Mother Guinan, Monsieur Dimon and a grim warrior:

TV Review: Ancients Behaving Badly (2009)

Ancients Behaving Badly is a fun but flawed look at some of the greatest and/or most notorious figures of antiquity:

Produced by History Channel, Ancients Behaving Badly is supposed to be educational but is, in actuality, infotainment.  Done up as a scandal show, replete with dramatic (and sometimes over the top) narration, the show's style is lurid and sensational and, consequently, quite entertaining.  The production is generally excellent (though the computer animated recreations of the subjects' faces looks a bit goofy) and features really well-done graphic novel-style animations of each subject's darkest moments that are appropriately creepy, sinister and/or horrific (e.g., comic book blood sprays):

Also good is the ancillary information that the viewer learns about the life and times of each subject (most are from the Iron Age) as they rise in power.  As with similar History Channel offerings, Ancients Behaving Badly covers the contemporary political and military history, and the discussion of military weapons and technology is quite good, such as the ballista:

Each show ends with the historical figure being analyzed by an "Ancients Behaving Badly Psychograph." The y-axis rates them from "goal driven killer" to "psychopathic murderer", while the x-axis measures individual pathologies.  The subject is then compared to other miscreants, ancient and modern.

Sounds good, right?

Well, Ancients Behaving Badly turns groan worthy when it comes to historical accuracy.  Beyond run of the mill problems, such as misquoting names and dates, where the show really falls down is when it misleadingly suggests rumor and innuendo as fact: For example, in the episode on Nero, Ancients Behaving Badly repeats the myth that Nero fiddled while Rome burned.  The guy actually did plenty of terrible things, so there's no reason to perpetuate politically motivated falsehoods two millennium after the fact.

Moreover, sometimes Ancients Behaving Badly veers straight into character assassination: For example, in the episode on Hannibal Barca, the show begins by asking "Was Hannibal a great general or just a ruthless killer?"  Given that the Carthaginian was arguably the greatest military commander of all time, this is a ridiculously loaded question:

To rise to the top of power like these people did, the subjects had to be ruthless and do some terrible things, so there's real material to use for a show like this.  Consequently, there's no reason to stoop to the level of a political attack ad.

Overall, I did personally like Ancients Behaving Badly and I really want to give the program some love because K's dad is one of the regular contributors!  However, I'm leery of giving the show a high rating because it's hard for a casual viewer to distinguish between fact and opinion (or outright fiction).

Caveat emptor.

SC's Parting Shot: 5 of 10

Session IV, Part V

To address S's confusion, K explains that the party met Ranme the Half-Insane Wizard during an earlier mission to save the village of Orlane (during the Olde School module N1 Against the Cult of the Reptile God).

Ranme powers down his spell when he sees Mary, the party's 9-year old translator, who turns out to be a friend of the Half-Insane Wizard.  When he gives Mary a gift, the PCs fearfully ask about this "gift", but it's merely a doll with a minor enchantment allowing it to say simple phrases:

In terms of B2, Ranme is the reskinned version of the hermit.  Since the original NPC is pretty unremarkable (except for his cool big cat) and not really connected to the rest of the module, this is a perfect opportunity to revisit an unreliable ally who's proven to drive the PCs crazy.


The party then asks Ranme about his contact with the Lizardfolk, and the nearly mad magic-user says matter-of-factly that he buys spell components, rare herbs and other "exotic items" from the reptiles.    Since the PCs are trying to work out a deal between the Cham and the Lizardfolk, I point out that they need someone who speaks Lizardfolk.

Ranme scoffs when the PCs ask for his help to defuse a conflict between his scaly friends and the Cham, saying that the Lizardfolk can easily handle the Cham.  However, the wizard changes his mind after Zakalwe points out this is a great opportunity to show everyone how much he's Winning.

After a bit of diplomacy, the party arranges a peace conference between the Lizardfolk and the Cham:

Things seem to be going well, with the Cham agreeing to pay rent to the Lizardfolk for the areas near the swamp, when the nameless Magic-User makes a Spot Check, noticing a hooded figure who's listening in on the discussion.  Before the PCs can do anything, the figure disappears into the underbrush.

[As the nameless Magic-User] S says, "I use Tracking to follow the hooded figure."

[As DM, checking her character sheet] I say, "A mage ranger?  That's pretty cool."

The party follows the figure's trail to a clearing, where they see him mounted on a horse and riding away.  The wind blows off the hood, revealing that the spy is a Vietnamese soldier.

Since the spy is out of range of Zakalwe's throwing daggers, the PCs are at a loss how to stop the legionary from escaping.  I remind K that Zakalwe has a Wand of Lightning Bolts.

[OOC] K says, "Oh yeah!"

The Vietnamese spy is slain!


In the original D&D rules, the magic items that Fighters can use are restricted.  However, many of these magic items restrictions are as arbitrary as the weapon and armor restrictions (i.e., they are gamist restrictions without logical merit meant to impose by brute force a rough "balance" among the classes), so I've removed them for my homebrew D&D rules.


As the Lizardfolk leave their meeting, they smell roasted human flesh and head over to the blasted remains of the spy.  The PCs are aghast and speechless as the Lizardfolk thank the party for thoughtfully providing barbecue and sit down to gorge themselves:

Session IV, Part IV

After registering as adventurers at the Keep, the party begins investigating the local situation.  First, they head to the city of Crossroads (this isn't on the original B2 area map but I placed it appropriately enough at the crossroads of the main trade road, the major waterway, and the road to the Keep), the major population and commercial center in the vicinity.  For reference, I give the PCs this additional map and tell them Crossroads is located at the same place as Cutter's Ferry:

Aleena suggests they visit the local church, where the PCs meet the Reverend Mother Nina:

One of Sister Aleena's instructors at Seminary, Reverend Mother Nina was then assigned here as the local parish priestess.  Although herself Vietnamese, Nina is appalled at Colonel Thứ năm's treatment of the Cham and secretly contacted High Inquisitor Guinan for help.

In terms of B2, the Reverend Mother Nina is the reskinned version of the cleric who's sympathetic to the natives and working against the Keep and is therefore "evil".


Since none of the PCs speak the Cham language, Reverend Mother Nina introduces them to a 9-year old girl from the parish's orphanage, Mary:

Named after the mother of the Anointed One, Mary can speak Latin since she's an altar girl.  The young orphan has a bit of hero worship for the party, saying she'd like to be an adventurer someday.  Aghast, the PCs try to dissuade her, without success.


Suddenly, there's a commotion on the main street!  Rushing outside, the PCs see a showdown between Colonel Thứ năm and Reverend Mother Guinan:

After several tense moments, the Colonel realizes that he can't provoke or intimidate the High Inquisitor and heads back to the Keep.


[OOC] K asks, "How did Guinan catch up with us so quickly?"

[As DM] I say, "Remember how you guys took the long, safe route to the Keep (avoiding several horrific preset encounters)?  The quick, dangerous route isn't a problem for a High Inquisitor."


With the help of their 9-year old translator, the PCs then find out that Mayor Po Nagar of Crossroads is the secret head of the local Cham dissidents:

Madame Le Mayor says they'd like to do something about their Vietnamese overlords, but don't have the weapons or training to mount a real rebellion yet.  She also mentions that, as a result of said overlords displacing the Cham in order to create new estates for Vietnamese nobility, the natives have been forced to move to less desirable areas closer to the swamps, where they've been attacked by the lizardfolk, whom the Cham and the Vietnamese believe are just dumb animals:

Investigating, the party sneaks up and quietly notices the lizardfolk trading with a strange hooded figure clad in gray robes.

[As the nameless Magic-User] S says, "Well, since the lizardfolk are traders, they must be intelligent enough to negotiate.  Maybe we can work something out with them."

Following the strange hooded figure to a bar in Crossroads, as they approach, suddenly the PCs feel a lightning bolt coming on.

[OOC] K says, "Wait a minute, I know who this is!"

[As Zakalwe, irate] K says, "Listen, okay, we don't work for the Cat Man!"

[As Ranme] I say, "I know you don't work for the Cat Man… because you work for the Cat *DUDE*!!!"

[OOC] S says, "Oh my God!"

Session IV, Part III

With Mlle Nguyễn safely out of Vĩnh Long, the party now needs to find their own place to lay low until the heat from their scam dies down.  Capitaine d'Artagnan of L'Eau Noire mentions that there's *another* village that has mysteriously broken off all outside contact.

Zakalwe says the party has had its fill of mysterious villages, so d'Artagnan adds that there's a Keep on the Borderlands, specifically the Central Highlands, that's looking for adventurers.  The PCs briefly consider becoming pirates before heading off to the Keep.

This takes us to our next classic Olde School Dungeons & Dragons adventure, B2 The Keep on the Borderlands:

This is probably the most played D&D module of all time (it was included in the 1979–1982 editions of the Basic Set), written by the co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, Gary Gygax.  Those reasons alone warrant B2's inclusion in this campaign's survey of classic Olde School Dungeons & Dragons adventures.

In addition, B2 provides some basic guidance for new Dungeon Masters, albeit very Gygaxian and promoting a specific play style, that's mostly okay.  However, as a teaching tool, I think Keep on the Borderlands suffers in comparison to the excellent Mentzer Red Box solo adventure.


Better is the module's open sandbox design and evocative setting, a lonely bastion at the edge of civilization and surrounded by hostile natives.  However, the Law versus Chaos thing is really only apropos for a certain flavor of High Fantasy, much less for Swords & Sorcery, so I have instead reskinned Keep on the Borderlands to be a retelling of one of the greatest Westerns of all time, Fort Apache (1948):

Directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne and Henry Fonda, Fort Apache is an excellent film for many reasons, but the particular reason I wanted to show this movie some love is because it was one of the first to present an authentic and sympathetic view of Native Americans.

"Keep", of course, is a medieval term, which I use for convenience, but Fort Champa is actually a Roman style fort:

At the Keep, the PCs meet Captain Đào (陶), son of Gouverneur Đào of the Mekong Delta province.  The young captain, who's spent his tour in the Central Highlands learning the ways and customs of the Cham, was slated to take over when the last commander retired.  However, Colonel Thứ năm, a relative of the Emperor, assumed command of the Keep instead.

Turns out Colonel Thứ năm was once General Thứ năm but got demoted after a battlefield disaster and sent to the Borderlands.  Thứ năm is itching to get back to the front lines and, to do so, wants to win glory by violently suppressing a Cham uprising.  Thus, he's been taking oppressive approach of Gouverneur Trần  (陳) to the extreme to encourage the Cham to revolt.  Quietly aiding the Colonel for a profit is Messr Dimon, a sketchy but wealthy local Roman expat businessman: